Thursday, July 30, 2009

PARENT - Job Description 

POSITION : 
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop 

JOB DESCRIPTION : 

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, 
permanent work in an 
often chaotic environment. 
Candidates must possess excellent communication 
and organizational skills and be willing to work 
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 
Extensive courier duties also required. 

RESPONSIBILITIES : 

The rest of your life. 
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 
until someone needs $50.00 
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a 
pack mule 
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 
in case, this time, the screams from 
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets 
and stuck zippers. 
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings 
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 
an embarrassment the next. 
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product. 
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 
janitorial work throughout the facility. 

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : 

None. 
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, 
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you 

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : 

None required unfortunately. 
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 

WAGES AND COMPENSATION : 

Get this! You pay them! 
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 
of the assumption that college will help them 
become "financially independent". 
When you die, you give them whatever is left...


BENEFITS : 

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, 
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 
no stock options are offered; 
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, 
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right. 


 
AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! 

3 comments:

Debbi said...

I LOVE IT!! It's so true, but the rewards are priceless.

one happy family said...

your right Debbie!

Vanessavh said...

you're scaring me.